One of the friends I had in high school was the kind of person who loves being at the centre of everything. She was in the music, drama, journalism, and rangers clubs, was actively involved in church, science congress and games, and never missed out on a school trip whether she was involved or not. She was the life of all parties, and was everybody’s sweetheart, from the grounds men to the cooks, teachers and even neighbours. She could never say no to anything and could not miss out on being anywhere where there was action. Though her lack of priorities came to eventually affect her class work, I still envied her ability to juggle everything without falling apart.

Like her, most of us do not know how to prioritise and when need be, walk away from the nonessentials stealing themselves into our lives. We are often trying to juggle career, family, personal pursuits, ministry and friends, all without trying to feel like we are letting down anyone or missing out on anything. Most of us have been bred to be the hands-on-the-wheels, trying to do everything, help everyone, achieve everything, super mum, super hero, super employee, a classic Martha Stewart.

Sometimes our lives get so wrapped up with nonessentials that are edging out what really matters. We let work steal from our family and personal growth time. We let our friends to edge out the time we could use studying or finishing up a project.
We all need to learn to say a firm NO at times. NO to all that derails us, to that which demoralises us, to that which does not build us up.

Other times we have to choose to walk away from stuff that steals the wind from our sails, preventing us from ever reaching our potential. Dr Dean Ornish once said, “Real power is measured not by how much you have but by how much you can walk away from.”

Can you walk away from your past whether good or bad? A bad past will haunt and undermine your efforts. A good past can keep you wrapped up in time. Move on.

You also have to put a stop to all negativity in your life. Negative people, environments, books, movies, media… they will zap all the optimism and energy from your life. Remember negativity is contagious.

Put a firm No to people who do not respect you. They get their sense of affirmation from trashing you and pushing you down. Life is always about them, them and them- you are just a sideshow in the drama of their lives. Life is about give and take.

Walk away from opportunities that take your life from you. You have a duty to live your life as best as you can, now. Avoid careers, jobs, tasks, even people who do not allow you to live your life in fullness and personal fulfilment or you will soon burnout.

Most important do not entertain fear in your life. It will be your greatest handicap to attaining your dreams.

It is not always holding on that makes us strong. Sometimes it is letting go. One widely circulated email, allegedly authored by bishop TD Jakes sums it all: “When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it’s dead. If it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to… let it go.
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains … let it go.
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth…
If someone has angered you…
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge…
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction…
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents…
If you have a bad attitude…
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better…

Rev’s Greg and Dotty Lyczak   Disciple-Ship Ministries

HEBREWS 11:6 NKJ
6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who
comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder
of those who diligently seek Him.

You may be working yourself to a frazzle trying to be perfect
so you can please God.

You may have tried so hard and become so frustrated that you
are about ready to give up. Well, maybe you should quit trying
to be perfect on your own — because none of us will ever be
perfect through our own efforts, anyway.

God knows you are human. He does not expect perfection out of
you. If you were perfect you would not even need a Saviour.

God loves you and accepts you because He made you. And He is
able to make you into what He desires for you to be — if you
will trust Him and allow Him to work in you.

God wants you to trust Him. He wants your love and respect. He
has certainly earned it and deserves it. Don’t let the devil
keep you from giving to God what He really desires: your love
and faith.

What does God desire from you? Not perfect performance — but
total trust. God wants you to believe that He is good — a rewarder!

SAY THIS: I trust You Lord God. Thank You for loving me. I will
rest in your love, instead of worrying about my performance.
Work your will in me.

Take time to read a portion of God’s word each day, you will never regret you did.

Could you imagine what we would have if we only loved the people who deserved our love? How many people in essence deserve our love. Sometimes even our children, parents and spouses fall short. They are never all we want them to be, they never achieve what we intend them to, it is frustrating.

But a friend challenged me the other day. In front of his wife of two years, he said to me: “God did not give me the wife I wanted; He gave me a woman with the potential to be the wife I want.” Deep. Very deep. Like the servants who were given talents by the Master, He waits to see what we will do with the seed (potential) he has put in each of us, and in the people around us.

The man/woman/child God puts in your life is a gift. You did not find them. They did not find you. God gave them as a gift to you. Once you understand that, you cannot treat them like any piece of trash you collected from the street. You treat them like God’s gift. Even when they fall short of your expectations.

When Kenyans went to the ballot on 27th December last year, it was with a lot of hope that with their vote they could determine or in the least influence the direction of their lives- for the next five years. The queues started as early as four in the morning at some poll stations, and coiled on and on for miles on end, the voters oblivious of the fatigue, sun, chill or the rain. They voted in their leaders. But what followed there after has shattered the lives of so many and eroded the trust, love and good will that took so long to build.

As we stand, lives have been lost, thousands of people displaced, countless others have lost their homes and property. And there are losses that will be hard to quantify, and they could haunt us for a long time. It will be hard to etch out of our heads the images of razed churches and burnt bodies, the sound of gunshots through the night, the cries of women and children being raped, or the pangs of hunger as people sat under lock and key, not able to even dash to the local kiosk for a piece of bread.

Whether what we saw was as a result of a flawed election or the culmination of seeds of lawlessness and tribalism, a lot of Kenyans are still hurting. Many of us have managed to get back to business as usual yet so many other people do not know how in the world they will ever reconstruct their lives. They have become estranged from their family members and friends, they are in shock or angry at the political leadership, ECK or a certain tribe and many more are just paralysed by fear and uncertainty of what could happen next. They watch and wait, victims of circumstances they had little to do with. Some will choose to return violence with violence, others will ignore the betrayal and the pain or vent it out with name calling, looting and drinking, yet others will numb it with a thick crust of bitterness, mistrust and suspicion for the rest of their lives.

We cannot pretend nothing happened. Denying and repressing feelings will only block our peace and joy and hinder the healing process. We can try and forget it happened and pull ourselves together, but that also is not easy. For many people and maybe even for Kenyan political scene, we have gotten a permanent life marker- before and after the 2007 election. But the important thing is that we have to move on. In each of us is the capacity to cope with what has happened no matter how traumatic and to move on, start afresh, or at least make necessary changes. We cannot let fear, mistrust or hate rule the rest of our lives.

Stressing this is Dr Philomena Ndambuki, a trauma counsellor and head of the department of Educational Psychology at Kenyatta University. She points out that the psychological impact of the post election skirmishes is so great on people because they view it as a manmade disaster that could have been avoided, unlike a natural disaster. As a response, they are displaying unnatural behaviour.

The Trauma

Trauma results when events occur that completely overwhelm one’s ability to cope or integrate the ideas and emotions involved with that experience. Such experiences shake the foundations of our beliefs about safety, and shatter our assumptions of trust, overwhelming us.
“Trauma is what goes beyond your ability to process information. When you are traumatised you can do anything. You are overwhelmed. Your reaction can be the most natural response but to other people it is not normal,” says Ndambuki.
Such reactions are usually unusual and disturbing yet are very normal responses to abnormal events.
For people to move on Dr Ndambuki stresses that the trauma has to be dealt with first. “What we are seeing now is the result of internalised stress. It is shown by what people display socially, emotionally, psychologically, even morally. Right now people are very emotionally upset, cognitively confused, some are even asking god a few questions like why did it have to happen.”

Debriefing

In dealing with such a situation, she suggests that the first step should be debriefing of the affected people.
“People have accumulated a lot of stress. It is like they are ballooned up with anger, fury, hatred, annoyance and confusion. Debriefing will help in assuaging and diffusing this anger.”
Debriefing should involve sitting down with people who have experienced the traumatic events of the last few days and letting them explain their experiences, thoughts and feelings concerning what happened. The purpose is to reduce any possibility of psychological harm by informing people about their experience or allowing them to talk about it.
People are encouraged to express what happened, what they thought about it and their feelings were. Victims should know that it is normal to feel angry, helpless, fearful, confused or frustrated, sometimes for a long time.

She warns against repressing any of the feelings and trying to act normal before people deal with the trauma.
“In a situation such as we have now, people are likely to repress what happened. Practically you seem to be going on though you have not. It is very hard to forget unless they process the trauma.
Trauma should not be allowed to reside in the mind. It will interfere with the process of growth and development.”
She warns of the possibility of repressed feelings flaring up in the future.
“Do not swallow the fear and anger, or it will come out in doses in the future, every time something happens to trigger the memory. Express it. See a pastor, get a friend from that tribe that you are so aggrieved by and tell them what you feel. When people swallow anger and fear, it can lead to PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
PTSD is an anxiety disorder that can occur after a traumatic event. Strong emotions caused by the event create changes in the brain that may result in PTSD.

Allow others to help you
Most of us with time can get through trauma without the need for professional counselling. Peer and group counselling and the help of friends, family and church leaders should play an important part in being able to deal with traumatic experiences. Accept the support of people around you, whether they are the people you expected to help you or not.

Need to understand the problem

Another key step towards healing and wholeness is understanding what led to problem.
“Kenyans should understand that whatever happened is situational. It has nothing to do with future years. It is a political issue. We do not know how long the hatred will continue but there should be no one time when one tribe cannot be able to get along with another. Not every Luo or Kikuyu is bad. We have lived together for a long time and we know these people as our neighbours, friends and relatives,” says Ndambuki.

And very adequately pointing that out is Rev Tony Kiama of International Christian Centre. “You are fighting people who do not speak your language yet your children cannot also speak your mother tongue,” he says.

We could argue that the presidential poll result is responsible for the loss of lives, property and tribal animosity but Ndambuki poses this question:
“People need to be quick to process what happened and judge for themselves what happened. Who carried the assignment? Is it Kibaki or Raila who carried the panga? The people who did that shocked the offended and the offender.”

Instead she calls for sympathy and social education and if need be legislation to suffocate any weeds of tribalism.
“We need to be sympathetic of the people who carried out these acts. They are people who have not been socialised to value ethics, life and property. A socialised person respects culture, neighbourhood, God and age. A boy raping a woman older than him has nothing to do with elections.”

Avoid generalisation of behaviour

It is quite easy to blame one group of people for what has happened. But we should by all means avoid generalising behaviour depending on what one group has done.
“It is unrealistic to punish someone for someone else’s mistake. A Luo in Nairobi should not suffer for the mistake of a Luo in Kisumu. We need to discriminate- deal with specific issues,” says Ndambuki.

Let us Unify

Calls have come from all over on the need to think and act as one people. If nothing else, the elections have taught us what an ill tribalism is to our country.
“From now on churches, leaders, peacemakers, must forever talk about unity until trust is restored. If necessary, we should introduce it in schools. The vocabulary of “what tribe are you” should never again be heard in our country,” says Ndambuki.

Find the lessons

We can find so many lessons from what has happened. Maybe that we should stock enough food quantities in the house, or that we should cement friendships with our neighbours. But we should learn from what we have seen as individuals and as a country. Maybe the greatest lesson is how frail as a nation we can be.

Avoid bitterness
“In then long run, let us work on forgiving,” Ndambuki’s calls out.
It is only when we stop focussing on what has gone wrong and what is not working and instead focus on the gifts and blessings we still have that we can truly be grateful. Bitterness will poison our souls and harden us to the beauty and joy of life. When we focus on the positive we get the strength and perspective to move forward.
“I cannot guarantee that politicians will not play the ethnic card again five years from now. But if you mothers sell forgiveness to your children, we will have a love filled community twenty years from now,” says Rev Tony.

Pray

Finally all of us can pray. Even the most unreligious of us can get strength through prayer. Not only will genuine prayer get answered but the action itself is able to help us step aside and release our worries, hate and fear to God and to place the future into His hands. In that we find healing for our souls, hope and faith.

A cloud of witnesses
That would see them through the years
Cheer them with a smile
And pray them through the tears
A cloud of witnesses that would see them to the end,
And shower them with love that never ends
A cloud of witnesses.
A cloud of witnesses
As they sent above a prayer
They took a hold of hands and
circled ’round a friend
A cloud of witnesses with a faith just like a rock,
They helped him give his father back to God
As a cloud of witnesses

So when it comes the time
That heaven calls
They’ll come running to see the
ones who’ve gone before,
And made the journey home to find
waiting for them at the finish line,
Cheerin happily they will run
and they will see

A could of witnesses
Lined up on a street of gold
As they run the final mile.
That leads them to a throne.
And through the cloud of witnesses
They see God upon the throne.
And as they fall into His arms,
They know they’re home in
A cloud of witnesses,
Surrounded by a could of witnesses.

I realise that what I need in my life right now is a clod of witnesses to see me through the years, pray me through the tears and to cheer me on.

Love has the easiest way to make you do crazy things. All of a sudden decisions that were life and death quickly become a matter of impulse.

I wnat to believe that in love I have a choice; but may be the only choice I have is whether to continue enjoying  my life or to let nature takes its course, and my existence will slowly but surely sublime into  another, my dreams too, my destiny too. For that is alltrue love is about, the merging of two destinies that were headed the same way in the first place.

Where liest the boundary between trying to be good and being righteous?

Such are the times when I really want to understand grace and mercy; that I can rise back, no matter how many times I slip, even fall. Do I want to be good? Yeah. First my conscience will stop killing me. Then I know that I can be a testimony. Thirdly, like Paul, I can tell people to follow me like I follow Christ.

Right now I feel I have eroded all I once believed in, that the light in me is slowly being sucked in by my passions. I wanna be the light on a hill, the salt; but I feel like my lamp is not just covered with a bowl and put under the table, I feel like it has been carried away to the dump heap- it no longer has the courage to shine from a dump heap. It is in the wrong place.

Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west,
I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest
Cos you know just how far the east is from the west
from one scarred hand to the other.

I know you’ve washed me white
Turned my drakness into light
I need your peace to help through this night

Can’t live by what I’ve been
But the truth you have in me
I’m not holding onto you but you’re holding onto me